My Prevailing Thoughts

NEW BLOG LOCATION

2010-03-07T21:19:00.000-08:00

I have created a blog through my own website. If you want to continue to follow My Prevailing Thoughts, you can find it at:

http://dennischristianson.net/blog/

Thank you.
Dennis

MALE AFFECTIVE DISORDER - REPOST for the Christmas season

2009-12-19T10:03:00.000-08:00

Having a background in mental health services sometimes puts an interesting skew on my thinking. The other day I was listening to a report on seasonal affective disorder and the effect it has on people who deal with it. The report mentioned the symptoms of the disorder, the course of the disorder and the usual treatments for it. In this blog, I am NOT making light of this real disorder, but I am hoping that I can bring humankind a greater understanding of another disorder through these prevailing thoughts.

So, I was thinking: I know it to be true that seasonal affective disorder (SAD) is more common in females. Males do experience it, but I wondered if some males deal with something similar, but different. Hmmm? Male affective disorder (MAD). MAD! That’s it! That explains a lot right there. Now, the name of this, as-of-yet-unstudied, disorder implies that it is a uniquely male phenomenon and, while this is not strictly true, the nickname does seem quite descriptive on several levels.

If the American Psychiatric Association gets around to studying this disorder, I think they’ll come up with a description something like this:

DESCRIPTION: Male affective disorder (MAD) is often characterized by a general inability to accurately identify and relate to emotions expressed by others, especially those of females living in the same household. It is further characterized by obvious signs of physical discomfort in the sufferer when presented with requests to respond appropriately to the affective state of another. Male affective disorder does not blunt the emotional response of the sufferer rather, it tends to limit the sufferer to those emotional and affective responses that resemble the following: irritation, orneriness, disgust, impatience and general grumpiness.

ONSET AND SYMPTOMS: The onset of male affective disorder is subtle and may be firmly entrenched before it is finally identified. It is usually identified by the age of 50; however, subtle warning signs may begin as early as age 40. Identification before age 40 would be designated as “early onset type". A warning sign that MAD is developing occurs when those who share the household with a male find themselves saying things like: “Oh oh, dad is getting MAD”. Another common phrase used by those who share the household with a MAD sufferer is: “My dad is grumpy.” Unless “dad” is a dwarf, this is sure indication that a MAD sufferer resides in the household.

TREATMENT: There is no known cure for MAD at the present time; however, once the disorder has been identified the sufferer and his loved ones can begin to take steps to minimize the disruption caused by the disorder. If the sufferer recognizes how others are viewing him, he may choose to decrease his MAD presentation. If the loved ones recognize that they live with a MAD sufferer, they might learn to take the MAD symptoms less personally. This requires understanding that MAD is a condition common to most middle age males and is not really in response to anything in particular.

For what it's worth, I hope this helps you this Christmas season. Merry Christmas!

"WHAT" is the Best Response to "WHY"

2009-09-21T10:07:00.000-07:00

Why?
It is natural and normal to ask “why” questions when we are faced with tough challenges and things we don’t understand.

When we don’t understand things we ask why questions like: “Why are your dirty socks on the floor?” “Why can’t you put them in the laundry?” “Why does your mother visit so often?”

Or more seriously, when we don’t understand things we ask God why questions in the same way that the writers of the Psalms did. Read these why questions in the Psalms:
Psalm 10:1 Why, O LORD, do you stand far off? Why do you hide yourself in times of trouble?
Psalm 22:1 My God, my God, why have you forsaken me? Why are you so far from saving me, so far from the words of my groaning?
Psalm 42:9 I say to God my Rock, "Why have you forgotten me? Why must I go about mourning, oppressed by the enemy?"
Psalm 43:2 You are God my stronghold. Why have you rejected me? Why must I go about mourning, oppressed by the enemy?
Psalm 44:24 Why do you hide your face and forget our misery and oppression?
Psalm 74:1 Why have you rejected us forever, O God? Why does your anger smolder against the sheep of your pasture?
Psalm 88:14 Why, O LORD, do you reject me and hide your face from me?

We also ask God other some other personal and very serious “why” questions. When we are troubled and we don’t understand things we ask God things like: “Why won’t you heal my child?” “Why won’t my spouse love me?” “Why did my loved one have to die?”

I repeat: It is natural and normal to ask why questions when we are faced with situations we don’t like and don’t understand. Occasionally, I do communication training for couples and groups. I teach them that asking too many “why” questions can be an ineffective communication style. I teach them that asking too many "why" questions can create roadblocks to fully understanding each other. I teach them that "why" questions are usually just thinly veiled complaints pretending to be questions. In American culture we are told it is okay to ask questions, but it is not okay to complain. So we have learned to ask questions that are really just complaints.

When you ask: “Why are your dirty socks on the floor?” I think you are really saying: “I don’t like it when I find your dirty socks on the floor. Please put them in the laundry.” I am using this why question as the example because we all can relate to it and it is a relatively mild example so you can understand my point. From there you can apply what you learn to other types of "why" questions.

When you ask why questions you trick yourself and others into thinking you really want an answer. If you ask: “Why are your dirty socks on the floor?” It is reasonable to assume you want an answer. So what if you get this answer:
“Well you see. When I came home from work I was tired so I sat down to watch some t.v.. I took off my shoes and socks and fell asleep. I meant to put my socks in the laundry but when I woke up I was so groggy that I just stumbled into bed and forgot all about them…until now. So now you know why my dirty sock are on the floor.”

Now to be honest if you get that answer the conversation is likely to proceed like this:
“I don’t care why your socks are on the floor I just want you to pick them up and stop leaving them there.”
“But you asked ‘Why are your socks on the floor?’ so I told you.”
“I know I asked but I don’t care why I just want you to pick them up.”
“Oh, ok. I’ll pick them up then.”

You see, “why” questions are often just statements of complaint and not really questions at all. Think about that fact when you see "why" questions in scripture like we just read.

Sometimes when we ask a "why" question there is a really good answer to the question, but the reason why still doesn’t satisfy us because all we really want is for the situation to be different than it is. Consider the dirty socks again:
“Why are your dirty socks on the floor?”
“Well let me tell you. I got home from work, took off my shoes and socks. Just as I was taking them to the laundry I noticed the neighbor’s house was on fire so I ran out barefoot, rescued five people from the flames, helped the fireman put out the fire, took the injured to the hospital and got home just before you did and started making supper for you. That’s why my socks are still on the floor.”
“Oh. Well...good job...but are you going to pick up your socks now?”

You see here that even a really great answer does not satisfy us when all we want is for the situation to be different. Good and factual and logical answers don’t comfort real emotions.

Think of a "why" question you have. If Jesus himself were to appear before you and answer your "why" question in detail can you even imagine a good enough answer where your response would be: “Ok God...I understand now. Thank you for doing all this. It makes perfect sense. Now that you have explained it, I understand and I am pleased with what you are doing and allowing.” I guarantee you wouldn’t say that because you will still want God to deal with your hurts and your heart. Even if God Himself provides you with good and factual answers, you would not find that your emotions have been soothed.

Why not?
"Why" questions are often emotion based, but strangely they seem to call for factual and logical answers. So when we give or receive factual and logical answers to an emotional question there is no emotional satisfaction. The answers to "why" questions often miss the emotions that are prompting the "why" question so the answers actually do little good.

If Jesus thought we could benefit from the fullest answer to our "why" questions, I think He would freely give it to us. Frankly, I also think that if Jesus were to bless us with the fullest answer to our "why" questions I don’t think any of us would even understand it anyway.

Consider Isaiah 55:8-9
8"For my thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are your ways my ways," declares the LORD.
9 "As the heavens are higher than the earth, so are my ways higher than your ways and my thoughts than your thoughts."

Jesus knows that if even if you happen to get a good answer to “why” you still have to deal with the emotional pain and physical reality of the situation. Consider this example: Say you have a toothache so you go to the dentist and ask him to look at it and explain what’s going on. The dentist will examine you and at the end of the examination he will say:
“Okay. I know what’s going on. I can tell you why you are having to deal with this pain.”
Then he will go on to explain all the reasons why you are experiencing what you are experiencing.
What if at the end of the explanations he says: “Well I’ve answered all your questions that’ll be $100. Thank you for coming in and letting me explain this to you.”
You’d say: “No way. All you did was explain why I was in pain. You didn’t do anything to make me feel better.”

You have just learned that a good answer to a why questions doesn’t make you feel any better. You still want something done. You still want something to change. Even if the explanation made perfect sense, you are still in pain. I think that means we really don’t need to know why, but we do need and want to know what can be done, what will be done to help us.

I think when we ask big why questions of God He just doesn’t answer us sometimes. He loves us, but he might not answer because he knows we are really just expressing that we don’t like a situation and really don’t need to know the reason why. I am sure He knows when we are just expressing our displeasure at something. In that case, there is no point in explaining anything to us. God also knows that even if we knew the why of a situation, the pain would still be there. At other times I think He has a really good answer, but He can’t share it because even if He would share the complete and full answer we wouldn’t comprehend it anyway – we couldn’t comprehend it. We couldn’t understand it because His ways and His thoughts are so far beyond our thoughts and ways.

Will "Why" Questions Be answered in heaven?
I have come to believe that even after I get to heaven I won’t get full and complete and satisfactory answers to some of my questions because even there I won’t be equal to God. I still won’t be able to fully comprehend His ways and His thoughts. Even in heaven I will be constantly learning things about God and His ways and His thoughts and will never fully understand all there is to know about Him and His ways. That is an aspect of the strange and wonderful fact of having a relationship with an infinite and eternal God.

Great, Now What? Ahhh yes, Now You Are Asking a Better Question:
So what do we do when we are faced with a situation we don’t like, when we are faced with a situation we don’t understand and when we are faced with a situation we can’t change?

The first thing we need to do is remind each other to trust God, we need to remind ourselves that He is sovereign and rest in the fact – take comfort in the fact - that His will will be done on earth as it is in heaven. In reminding each other to trust God we shouldn’t do this in word only.

Words can sound hollow and unhelpful during times of grief and struggle. So we need to come around each other. We need to be with each other. We need to just sit with each other - maybe not even saying a word.

When those around you are faced with situations they don’t understand and can’t explain, just be available. Some won’t ask for your presence and others will probably say they are fine and that you need not bother yourself with them, but do what you can to be a presence and to be a support remembering to keep your words to a minimum. Your presence representing the presence of God will be a great comfort to them.

What Now?
Another thing we can do is change our question from a “why” question to a “what now” question. Instead of asking God why something is the way it is or why something happened, ask God “what now”. “Now that this has happened, what do you will me to do? What do you want me to do? How do you want me to proceed?”

I think God will give you answers to those "what now" questions quite readily because the answers will involve the reasons he created you and the purposes He created you for. You will find renewed purpose and energy and spiritual victory in the answers to your “what now” questions. You will learn a lot more by asking "what now" than you will by asking "why". The answer to “why” is often part of the supernatural realm of the Almighty, All-knowing God and He doesn’t always share his reasons. The answer to “what now” is often found in our physical realm and therefore well within the abilities that God has given us and the role He has given us to subdue and rule in this world. Trust the “why” to God and don’t try to explain things you don’t understand. Instead, sit with those who are hurting, hug them, hold them, let them grieve, comfort them, feed them, bandage their wounds.
These are examples of the answer to the question: “What do we do now?”

How Come?

2009-09-01T20:27:00.000-07:00

How come "how come" means the same thing as "why"?

As in: "I won't be home until late?" Response: "How come?"

Anybody got a clue?

Why don't you hear the phrase: "How come not?" as a substitute for "Why not?"

As in: "I didn't get my chores done." Response you don't hear: "How come not?"

I do have a serious post called "What is the Best Response to Why". It is in the works, but not quite ready yet. I hope to share it with you soon.

For Whom the Bell Tolls

2009-08-09T16:58:00.000-07:00

"No man is an island, entire of itself; every man is a piece of the continent, a part of the main. If a clod be washed away by the sea, Europe is the less... [Likewise] Any man's death diminishes me, because I am involved in mankind; and therefore never send to know for whom the bell tolls; it tolls for thee..." (by John Donne Meditation 17 Devotions upon Emergent Occasions)

The bolded phrase is a famous quote that I often consider when I hear of someone's passing; especially of a person I didn't know well, but was from my community. The context to Mr. Donne's devotional is that in times past the community would toll (ring) the church bell to signal the passing of a member of the community. Those in the surrounding countryside would send someone to town to find out for whom the bell tolls.

He was making the point that a part of each of us passes away with every member of mankind that passes away. Back then, in a small community if you were close to the person who died, you would already know for whom the bell tolls at the time you heard it. But, if you were not close to the person, you might be curious enough to send to know for whom the bells tolls; however, when it comes right down to it, the specific name may not really matter so much because no matter for whom the bell happens to be tolling you are actually being notified that a part of you has been diminished..."it tolls for thee".

On Sunday, August 2, 2009 the bell tolled in my community of Lacey, WA for a young man who died in a sad and traumatic accident. Today, August 9, 2009, my family attended the visitation and tomorrow we will attend the memorial. He was a friend and a classmate of my eldest daughter. His sisters are friends of our family and considered part of our family. My wife is friends with the parents of two of the other boys involved in the accident. I don't really know any of the others involved in the accident or their families and had never even shaken hands with the young man who died. I do consider his two sisters to be my friends and almost like daughters to me.

Yet, despite the lack of a direct and close personal connection to this young man, this young man's death has diminished me. I felt this diminishment strongly as I stood around at the visitation. I know I will feel it tomorrow at the memorial. This diminishment is not just because I see my daughter grieving the loss of her friend or my friends grieving the loss of their brother. I was not even able to read the notes written in his memory on a giant board because they exposed the sense of loss and grief that is within me and I really did not want to cry in that setting. Inside I am grieving the loss of a young man I have never met simply because we were both involved in mankind and had close personal connections in common.

In a way I am surprised at the depth of my emotion over this. I shouldn't be because I have long believed the truth of the statement that "any man's death diminishes me", but I am surprised nonetheless. Therefore, I am reminded again that any man's death should be a trigger for me to consider my own life and the impact I am making. I encourage you to make something useful out of the death of this fine young man by considering your own life and the directions you are taking and decisions you are making.

Knowledge is Advantage

2009-04-19T20:18:00.001-07:00

Two posts in two days. That's a new one.

You have heard the adage: "Knowledge is Power". It is true. However, I prefer to think of knowledge as being advantage. I began thinking about this while working in the yard today. I do some of my best thinking there. The prompt was that I was given some rather innocuous information about one of my children today. I shared it with my wife but not with the particular child. Why? Because having knowledge that someone doesn't know you have provides an advantage. I won't use this knowledge and this advantage to hurt my child in anyway, but it is good to know that I know something that she doesn't know I know.

Think about knowledge being advantage in the context of wartime military codes. During WWII the British knew the German Enigma code, but the Germans didn't know the British knew it so they kept using it. Advantage: British. However consider this scenario: What if the British had known the German code and the Germans had known that the British knew the German code, but the British didn't know that the Germans knew that the British knew the code? Advantage: Germans because they could send false messages that the British would believe. (In that sentence the only "didn't know" was associated with the British therefore they have the disadvantage.)

Here is one application of this blog: If you want an advantage in life, gain knowledge. Better yet, gain knowledge that not everyone knows. Better still, when you obtain a piece of knowledge you can share it with those close to you, but don't blab everything you know to everyone all the time. It's to your advantage.

Just Say NO To Compromise

2009-04-18T21:46:00.000-07:00

I don't think we should compromise with others to reach peaceful resolutions and solutions to issues. Some talk like compromise is a "win-win". It is not. Compromise creates lose-lose situations because people willingly give up things that they would prefer to have. How is that a win?

I also don't think we should demand unconditional surrender of others to reach resolutions and bring solutions to issues. Unconditional surrender results in a win-lose situation. (NOTE: I am talking about personal human relationships and interactions here. In times of war between nations I am in favor of demanding unconditional surrender. If a problem between nations cannot be resolved peacefully and resorts to war, then there should be a complete and convincing victory by one party).

What I advocate as a method for resolving problems of human interaction is "union". Union - a coming together - to solve problems results in a true win-win. When we unite with God as in "He who loses his life for MY (God's) sake will find it", God wins a relationship with us and we win a relationship with God. God wins our life. We win our life. This is how I paraphrase this reference: "He who qualitatively alters his life and he who drastically changes his definition of the meaning of life and freedom will find both."

I have inserted below a pictorial representation of how I see compromise. In the first set of blocks you have two differing views - in this case "blue" and "yellow". In order to compromise each view must have a piece cut out of the view in order for it to "fit" with the other. In the end the two views "fit" together nicely, but at a cost. Each had to have a portion cut out and each view had to give up a part of itself. The worst part is this: The two views are now merely placed together because they happen to "fit", but there is no staying power. The two views are just sitting side by side and can be easily pulled apart with the least bit of stress applied to them. The holders of the original views can still easily distinguish their contributions and might be tempted to accentuate their own views over the other views.

Below is a pictorial representation of how I see union. In the first set of blocks you have two differing views - again in this case "blue" and "yellow". In order to form a union each view must be altered in order to be "joined" with the other. (The alteration is represented by diagonal lines). In the end the views come together and "fit" nicely in an overlapping and interwoven fashion while also forming a new blended view ("green"). All of the "blue" is still there as is all of the "yellow". In the end a new viewpoint is formed by all the elements of the original views and a portion of that new view is a true combination of the originals. Forming a union creates a strong bond. This new view is presumed to be superior to either of the originals and cannot be undone without significant effort and stress - if it can be undone at all. In fact, the holders of the original views will work together to preserve the union because they can no longer easily distinguish and separate their own ideas and they will recognize the advantages of the union.
Unions are much harder and more work to develop than compromises. Unions are qualitatively different from compromises, but much better in the end for the individuals and organizations involved. Unions also result in much healthier and more productive solutions and result in solutions that have staying power.

How do we work toward unions? For me, I focus much meditation time on Philippians 2:3-4:

I think the concepts expressed by Paul through the influence of the Holy Spirit represent my meaning of engaging in unions with others to solve problems. If I look out for your interests and you look out for mine, we will arrive at a solution that is much better than if we merely look out for our own interests and give up (compromise) on things we are willing to do without. If I am willing to cut something out of a plan, it must not be very useful or important and I probably don't believe it adds any real value to the solution anyway.

I think we can solve most human interation and relationship problems with unions that preserve the wholeness of the persons involved and the wholeness of their ideas and desires. In the end we will have solutions that have more lasting value and that are stronger than any of the original ideas.

I wish I could give you some specific suggestions for your situation, but I can't because forming unions is hard work and each union must be worked out and worked on diligently by a joint effort between the parties involved. I am available to talk with you though.

God and Time and Place, Part 2

2009-02-19T22:11:00.000-08:00

All of my meditation (see previous post) on how God could forgive sins before Jesus died on the cross led me to meditating on the concept of the omnipresence of God as it relates to time and place. My view of God became larger as I did so. I realized that what I usually thought of when I thought of omnipresence was not really omnipresence. I was really thinking of the concept of ubiquity and equating it with omnipresence. Apparently, many theologians do this as well.

In this meditation, I came to realize that this way of thinking was limiting my concept of God. I don’t know of the “theological correctness” of my thoughts here, but I don’t believe they are unscriptural. I do believe these thoughts honor God because they are intended to expand and remove the limits of our view of who God is.

Ubiquity is commonly defined as existence everywhere, or in all places, at the same time. Pick a point in time – say, right now. God is present with me as I write this, with my mom in Wisconsin, with my missionary friend, Jeff McGriff, in the Philippines. This exact point in time for me correlates to an exact point in time for others around the world and God is ubiquitous – present with all of us at the same time. Amazing! God is ubiquitous and many dictionaries throw in “omnipresence” as a synonym, but I don’t think that is quite right theologically speaking. God is even more amazing than that, I believe. To think of omnipresence in this way is limiting to God’s omnipresent nature because we are limiting omnipresence to what our small, human minds can comprehend - a view which is extremely limited.

Some Definitions: God’s Ubiquitous Presence: God is (not just able to be, but is) present everywhere in the universe at the same point in time.

Here is a simple pictorial description of ubiquity as I understand it:

God’s Omnipresence: God is (not just able to be, not was, but is) present everywhere in the universe at every point in time of recorded history and is already present everywhere in the universe at every point in time that is to come. (See how that is an expanded view of God?)
Omnipresence to God: Everywhere in the universe and every point in time of recorded history and every point in time in the unrecorded future is collectively and simultaneously present before God all the time and all at the same time. (This is an even more expanded view of God’s omnipresence.) In this view, God does not recognize past, present or future as we do. Instead all human activity is omnipresent (always and fully present) before Him.

God knows that I am not a contemporary of Abraham Lincoln and that to me Abraham Lincoln’s time and actions are history, but that does not make them history to God.

Luke 20:38 - Jesus said: "He is not the God of the dead, but of the living, for to him all are alive."

I am reducing God if I think he looks at time the same way I do. I believe God looks at the history - and the future - of human activity in a completely different way than me. God is not concerned with time; God is concerned with the quality of human activity and human interactions.

The third view – the Omnipresence to God is a recognition that to our eternal God there is no past, present and future. God created time and the ability to mark time when he created the world. Time is a gift to man and a way of keeping order for man’s sake. God has no use for time and stays outside the bounds of time. Humans see time as a linear entity that moves from left to right (in the western world at least) where there are beginnings and endings along the straight path of time. It is easy to think – and a mistake to think - that God sees time the same way. The Bible seems to indicate that God does not consider time as we consider it and he may not even consider it at all. God may pay more attention to the readiness of human hearts and spirits to receive His interventions and then determine His interventions based on that readiness of heart more than on false and arbitrary timelines as conceived by humans.

2 Peter 3:8-9 (New International Version)
But do not forget this one thing, dear friends: With the Lord a day is like a thousand years, and a thousand years are like a day. The Lord is not slow in keeping his promise, as some understand slowness. He is patient with you, not wanting anyone to perish, but everyone to come to repentance.

God gives every person space and time and enough understanding to come to repentance (even though that understanding may be limited). God can afford to be patient and to wait for us express our need for Him. Time is not an issue for Him. It is us who benefit by not waiting. That's great news anyday. So why wait?

God and Time and Place, Part 1

2009-02-19T18:55:00.000-08:00

Q: In your mind and timeframe at what point in time and at what event was the penalty of sins paid and forgiveness of sins made possible once and for all people?

A: At the cross around 33 A.D.
1 Peter 3:18 (New International Version)
For Christ died for sins once for all, the righteous for the unrighteous, to bring you to God. He was put to death in the body but made alive by the Spirit,

Q: In God’s mind and from His perspective at what point in time and at what event was the penalty of sins paid and forgiveness of sins made possible once and for all people?

A: At the cross before the creation of the world.
1 Peter 1:18-20 (New International Version)
For you know that it was not with perishable things such as silver or gold that you were redeemed from the empty way of life handed down to you from your forefathers, but with the precious blood of Christ, a lamb without blemish or defect. He was chosen before the creation of the world, but was revealed in these last times for your sake.

It was the same event but there is a very different perspective on timeframe between God and man. How do we account for that?

I started thinking about this question while reading through the Gospel of Luke recently. In at least two places in Luke (5:19-21 and 7:46-48) Jesus makes a point and states that someone’s sins ARE forgiven even before He went to the cross.

Luke 5:19-20
When they could not find a way to do this because of the crowd, they went up on the roof and lowered him on his mat through the tiles into the middle of the crowd, right in front of Jesus. When Jesus saw their faith, he said, "Friend, your sins are forgiven." (Forgiveness follows an expression of faith in Jesus.)

Luke 7:46-48
You did not put oil on my head, but she has poured perfume on my feet. Therefore, I tell you, her many sins have been forgiven—for she loved much. But he who has been forgiven little loves little. Then Jesus said to her, "Your sins are forgiven." (Forgiveness follows expression of love for Jesus.)

Now hold on there, Jesus! You hadn’t died on the cross yet. Your sacrifice had not been made. How could you say that their sins ARE forgiven?

Then I remembered the story of David and Bathsheba and David’s writings recorded at Psalm 51 and went there.

2 Samuel 12:13 (New International Version)
Then David said to Nathan, "I have sinned against the LORD." Nathan replied, "The LORD has taken away your sin. You are not going to die.”

So here upon a simple confession and no indication of animal sacrifice or any explicit, human foreknowledge of the sacrifice of Jesus, the prophet, speaking for God simply says: “Your sins are forgiven”.

Psalm 51 (New International Version)
For the director of music. A psalm of David. When the prophet Nathan came to him after David had committed adultery with Bathsheba.

1 Have mercy on me, O God, according to your unfailing love; according to your great compassion blot out my transgressions.
2 Wash away all my iniquity and cleanse me from my sin.
3 For I know my transgressions, and my sin is always before me.
4 Against you, you only, have I sinned and done what is evil in your sight, so that you are proved right when you speak and justified when you judge.
5 Surely I was sinful at birth, sinful from the time my mother conceived me.
6 Surely you desire truth in the inner parts; you teach me wisdom in the inmost place.
7 Cleanse me with hyssop, and I will be clean; wash me, and I will be whiter than snow.
8 Let me hear joy and gladness; let the bones you have crushed rejoice.
9 Hide your face from my sins and blot out all my iniquity.
10 Create in me a pure heart, O God, and renew a steadfast spirit within me.
11 Do not cast me from your presence or take your Holy Spirit from me.
12 Restore to me the joy of your salvation and grant me a willing spirit, to sustain me.
13 Then I will teach transgressors your ways, and sinners will turn back to you.
14 Save me from bloodguilt, O God, the God who saves me, and my tongue will sing of your righteousness.
15 O Lord, open my lips, and my mouth will declare your praise.
16 You do not delight in sacrifice, or I would bring it; you do not take pleasure in burnt offerings.
17 The sacrifices of God are a broken spirit; a broken and contrite heart, O God, you will not despise.
18 In your good pleasure make Zion prosper; build up the walls of Jerusalem.
19 Then there will be righteous sacrifices, whole burnt offerings to delight you; then bulls will be offered on your altar.

From Verse 17 we see that all that has ever been required for forgiveness of sin is confession and a broken and contrite spirit and heart. David understood this in the spiritual realm even though he came before Jesus in human timeline terms and couldn’t have known in his human mind about the sacrifice of Jesus. David had faith that his sins were forgiven based on his confession and his sincerely broken heart and the prophet of God, speaking for God, confirmed it for him.

The sacrifice of Jesus - in God’s mind and on God’s terms - which is all that really matters, by the way – had already been accomplished before the creation of the world. From the day of David’s birth God waited patiently for him to come to the realization of the fact of his sinfulness which resulted in a broken heart and the confession of that sin. It’s the same route for us except in our minds, because our lives have followed after the time of the cross, we mistakenly think the cross had to occur on the human timeline before God could forgive sins. We forget the fact that, to God, the sacrifice of His son was a fait accompli even before He created the first human life.

What might this imply for other people who lived before Christ’s time (like King David) and lived without any humanly knowledge of His life and sacrifice? Couldn’t God have led those people to confession and contrite expression by His Spirit as well? What might this imply for those who now live without any knowledge of Jesus and His sacrifice? Isn’t it possible that they could confess their sins to God with a broken and contrite heart and receive His forgiveness even though they don’t know to “call on the name of Jesus”? Romans 1:20 indicates men are without excuse even though don’t know enough to call on the name of Jesus or know anything of His sacrifice.

Romans 1:20 (New International Version)
For since the creation of the world God's invisible qualities—his eternal power and divine nature—have been clearly seen, being understood from what has been made, so that men are without excuse.

This isn’t a mean-spirited passage if you recognize that 1) God knows the hearts of men, 2) He knows if they are broken and contrite over their sins and 3) He knows if they have confessed their sins to God even though their understanding of God may be more limited than others. We ALL have a limited understanding of God and of the sacrifice of Jesus. Some have a more limited understanding than others. The fact that "men are without excuse" does not excuse us or free us from the responsibility to share God’s love with others. Indeed, we should be all the more eager to share God’s love and provide that greater understanding for those whose understanding is most limited.

God gives every person space and time and enough understanding to come to repentance (even though that understanding may be limited). The penalty for every sin was paid before the creation of world. That means God is able to forgive sins upon the confession and broken heart of the sinner (as in David’s case) before a person has ever even heard of Jesus. This also means God is able to forgive sins upon a simple expression of faith and love toward Jesus (as in those two cases in Luke) before a person fully understands why Jesus had to die on a cross and be raised again as the once for all sacrifice for sin. God patiently waits for each person to confess his sin and express a broken and contrite heart over it. God can afford to be patient and to wait for us. It is us who benefit by not waiting and by introducing others to Jesus as early and as often as we can.

It is absolutely true that Jesus' sacrifice (death and resurrection) is necessary and wholly sufficient in itself for the forgiveness of sins, but one does not have to have a complete and perfect understanding of God or of Jesus and his sacrifice to receive that forgiveness. It's a good thing too, because no one has a complete and perfect understanding of God or of Jesus or of all that is involved in his life and sacrifice. If it doesn't take a complete and perfect understanding, what level of incomplete and imperfect understanding is necessary? God knows and He is the perfect judge. From the story of David we see that all that is necessary for forgiveness of sins is a personal realization of spiritual imperfection and your separateness from God your creator. This will likely result in a broken heart over that broken relationship followed by a confession of one's wrongdoing. Speaking Psalm 51 to God is a great model to follow.

You Know What I'm Thinking?

2008-12-26T09:34:00.001-08:00

I'm thinking: "How did it get to be the day after Christmas and I still have a Thanksgiving blog on this site?" With this blog I will fix that.

I hope you had a Merry Christmas with your family, friends and other loved ones. This has been such a strange week weather-wise that it has been difficult to find any traction on the roads or in organizing my thinking.

On Christmas Eve we had to cancel our church's (Evergreen Christian Community) Christmas Eve gatherings in Olympia, but our McCleary site was able to host a gathering so, technically speaking, we did NOT have to cancel Christmas Eve gatherings. (My friend and Lead Pastor, Dale Oquist, was a big bummed by having to make that decision.) Due to the snow and strange schedules I was able to log four hours on a tractor moving snow around the church parking lot. Pastors Dale and Andrew spent some time out there on another tractor. I was wet and cold by 4:30pm, but I could see the fruit of my labor immediately. In my usual line of work sometimes the effect of my work isn't immediately visible so it is good, at times, to get some immediate gratification for my efforts.

Jayne and I still hosted our annual Christmas Eve evening get-together at our house for those who could make it. We had Tim and Rochelle Wilson and their girls, Carl and Nancy Stoker and their kids and Tom Wright. Steve and Valya Parshall couldn't make it.

On Christmas Day we enjoyed a quiet day eating good food, opening gifts, watching a DVD movie. We also started a new tradition (?) of going out to see a movie. We saw "Bedtime Stories". It was worth the trip.

You may have heard that our area has gotten dumped on in terms of snowfall. There is a thick ground cover of snow that has lasted for a week and will into next week. That is strange. Other than our neighborhood, which has never seen a snow plow, the roads are in pretty good shape. At least if we get stuck, we'll be close to home.

Until next post, have a Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year. We'll be fine in 2009!

Happy Thanksgiving!

2008-11-27T09:28:00.000-08:00

What shall I think about today? How about Thanksgiving. I tend to be thankful for things only after they are gone. I suppose that is true for many of you as well. I am working to change that about myself by thinking more about those people and things that are important to me and, in doing so, I remind myself about the good things related to them.

I am thankful for Jayne. She is a great wife. She is wise and funny. That combination produces a lot of wise cracks. She is frugal and hard working. That tends to be what you get from a farmgirl who was raised well. She puts up with me and loves me. What more could a guy want?

I am thankful for Gabby. She is not home today. She is traveling with family friends to California so I miss her. Gabby knows what she wants to do in life. She is developing her plans to get there. Gabby has more depth to her thinking and feeling that she lets on to most people including her mom and me. Once in awhile though the depth of her thinking and feeling sneaks out and becomes obvious. I am thankful when it does.

I am thankful for Hannah. Hannah has the most loving and sensitive heart you'll ever encounter. It's funny that people think she's a lot like me. Hannah is pretty quite and goes about her business without asking for much help, but she certainly provides a lot of help to others. Because Hannah is willing to help others she is given opportunities to help quite often whether around the house or at the church. I am thankful for that servant heart.

I am thankful for Taylor. Taylor has about the quickest wit you'll encounter in a teenager. Her head is full of fun ideas and they just spill out of her mouth at times. If there is an opportunity to dress funny or put on strange make-up, she'll be there. Taylor definitely has an eye toward design and colors. She can see things that work or don't work whether in a house on a person (usually me). I am thankful for her input on how my clothes look.

I am thankful for God, the sacrifice of his son, Jesus and the power of the Holy Spirit working through me. I am thankful that I have noted at least three answers to prayer just this week. They weren't big, life-changing answers. They were quiet and still answers that confirmed once again that God is real, alive and working through me. I am thankful for that knowledge.

Are you thankful? I'd like to read your Thanksgiving thoughts.

Happy Thanksgiving

By the way:
If you are interested in a good history about how, where and why Thanksgiving started check out this History.com article.

Hard Lessons Learned the Hard Way

2008-11-23T22:10:00.000-08:00

This blog is appearing on both my blog sites: My Prevailing Thoughts and My Prevailing Investments.

I usually take pride in myself for learning lessons the easy way. That is, someone tells me to do or not do something and I do or don’t do it. Lesson learned. Then there is the vicarious way to learn lessons. This involves witnessing someone else learning a hard lesson and learning enough not to try it myself. Then there is the good old-fashioned hard way. This is where I’ve been told to avoid something and I’ve seen others crash and burn, but I just can’t help myself until I experience it myself.

My trading portfolio completely crashed and burned this week. The crash started during the week ending September 26, 2008. I didn’t pull the eject lever because I figured it had gone down so far that I should just ride it out. Well, the value of my portfolio at the end of September would have been a nice amount to have on hand now as it turns out. I am not talking about unrealized losses. I am talking about honest to goodness actual losses of the kind that don’t come back.

I have a retirement portfolio and it has unrealized losses, but this portfolio will eventually find its way back to positive territory. My retirement portfolio has lost about 50% and has to double only once to put me back at even. That should happen in the next 5-10 years. I will start reporting on my retirement portfolio activity because, as I said, my trading portfolio has crashed and burned and as they say: “There’s nothing to see here.”

Back to my trading portfolio…it is toast, burnt toast to be exact. In fact, my trading portfolio has to double SEVEN times before it gets back to even. That’s nearly impossible in my lifetime. Maybe I’ll will it to my kids who will promptly sell everything, take the cash and say “Was dad crazy? He thought he could trade and make a profit.”

I have been blessed with a mindset and view of life that requires me to learn from the hard lessons of life. If I don’t learn from an experience and try to avoid its negative consequences the next time it comes around, I will have wasted an experience and caused myself and others unnecessary pain. So I’ve been thinking this week about what lessons I knew about trading, but have now learned – the hard way. Here they are:

Develop strict buy and sell rules to take emotion out of trading and investing. (I have spent much time researching and developing my rules. They are a work in progress. The trouble is I don’t really know how well they work.)
Follow your rules. (I didn’t follow my rules.)
Don’t put all your eggs in one basket. (Duh.)
Don’t trade with an amount that is more than you can afford to lose.
Be honest with yourself and another person about how much you can afford to lose. (See #9.)
If you are leveraging your positions by trading on margin, you are trading with more than you can afford to lose. (Because you are borrowing!)
If you manage money for your employer and wouldn’t manage “his” money in a risky way, don’t manage yours that way.
If you believe you are a steward of God’s resources, trade like you are trading God’s money for him.
Be accountable to someone for how you trade or invest: Your spouse, your friend, your trading club.
Be able to explain your rationale for why you would choose a particular stock. Does it sound consistent with your rules or make sense to you for other reasons? If not, it probably won’t make sense to your trading partner either.
Don’t bite on the hot stock pick unless it fits with your rules for buying and selling. (There are going to be exceptions. In that case see #9 and #10.)
Take the long and slow approach to portfolio appreciation. (“Get rich quick” is not a viable investment plan.)

We don’t learn lessons by quitting. We learn lessons by examining past behavior and taking different actions the next time we have the opportunity. That’s why I will continue to trade and invest money. I believe it can be a useful tool to add to one’s resources a little at a time over a long period time. Please continue reading my blogs. Maybe you’ll learn some lessons the easy way or the vicarious way and avoid having to learn them the hard way.

I still own GNK, but only a fraction of shares I used to own. I am hitting a reset button today. Sometimes you just have to start over. Effective December 5, 2008 I will begin reporting my trading portfolio weekly percentage changes along with my retirement portfolio percentage changes and compare them to the changes in the major indices.

Have a Happy Thanksgiving! I will.

Raising VIC

2008-10-06T20:32:00.000-07:00

“Leadership is a relationship of influence with a purpose”, writes Walter Wright in Relational Leadership: A Biblical Model for Influence and Service (ISBN: 9780853649960). Much of this blog is the result of my reading of Wright’s books and my appreciation of his work.

The Apostle Paul writes at Galatians 5:22-23: “The fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness and self-control”.

The “fruit of the Spirit” means that the influence of Jesus in a life should be evidenced by these nine behavioral results. In turn, the follower of Jesus who shows this “fruit” will become natural leaders of others and will influence others to show this fruit as well.

A person can have the title or position of leader and not provide leadership. Conversely, an individual can have no title or position that implies “leader”, but yet be looked to as a leader. Leadership is not about title or position. Leadership is about personal character issues and qualities that influence people toward a particular purpose.

So what makes a person a leader? It’s simple: Having Followers.

How to attract and keep followers is the real challenge. In the context of the working world (which most of us can relate to), think of direct reports and volunteers as your followers as you read the rest of this.

Leadership is not really about the leader or any quality he possesses. Leadership is about serving your followers. If you are not serving your followers, you are not a good leader and your followers won’t stay with you for long. Charisma and energy will attract followers, but it is your personal service to your followers that will keep them and influence them.

If you don’t have people who are following you and learning from you, you are not a leader. Plain and simple. You can have the title of a leader and even play the role of a leader, but unless others choose to follow you, you are not providing leadership. Followers have a choice in whether they follow you or not and your leadership is dependent on whether or not people choose to follow. There are many good servant leaders out there and people will gravitate toward them.

You can improve the likelihood that others will follow you and your lead by cultivating and developing three areas of your own life. Collectively, these areas make up your new friend named VIC: Vision. Influence. Credibility. Each relates back to the fruit of the Spirit.

VISION: Vision is an intentional and deliberate dream of what the future will look like. It is a future hope that is expressed with a link back to the present. That link is your plan to work toward the vision. Vision is not just a wish or a “wouldn’t it be nice if…” kind of phrase. A vision is a statement that begins like: “I see a family where….”. “I dream of a work environment that…”.

At least three of the nine fruit of the Spirit in Galatians 5 might be related to Vision: Love, Joy and Peace. Love is really an action and it relates to behavior for the good of others. Joy is the emotional result of showing and being shown loving behavior. Peace is the natural result when people behave lovingly toward each other and experience joy in being together.

The second thing you must cultivate and develop if you want to lead is INFLUENCE. You have heard: “Beauty is in the eye of the beholder”. That is, whether something is judged beautiful or not depends on who is beholding it or looking at it. In the same way: Influence is in the eye of the beholder. Influence is really seen in the eyes of others. You may think you are an influential person, but unless others accept your influence, you are not influential.

True influence is based in your credibility (which I will address in a moment). Some use power or position as the basis of influence. If your influence comes only from your power, you are not truly influential. You are merely coercive. If your influence is based only on your position or title, you are not truly influential. Regrettably, you may have been promoted to a position your character can’t handle. Let’s not mistake being a supervisor or a manager and having direct reports with being leader. Those are just titles that are given in a bureaucracy. Supervisory titles don’t imply or confer any real leadership ability. Just because you have direct reports doesn’t mean you should assume you are automatically a leader. You shouldn’t even assume you are "the leader" of your department just because you have the title. Being a boss doesn’t make you a leader. Being a boss doesn’t even mean you have followers.

Your ability to influence is really a result of your past actions, your reputation, your trustworthiness and your reliability. Your ability to influence is not based on your assessment of your past actions. Your ability to influence is not based on your assessment of your reputation. Your ability to influence is not based on your belief in your trustworthiness and reliability. Remember, your influence in seen in the eyes of others. Others consider you influential to them if they have positive assessments of your past actions, if they positively assess your reputation and if they trust you and think you are reliable.

You can increase your ability to influence others. Yes you can. You can do it by developing your trustworthiness and reliability and by practicing at least three other fruit of the Spirit. Gentleness, Goodness and Kindness. Gentleness relates to HOW you perform your actions. Goodness relates to WHAT you do. Kindness is the motive or the WHY of your actions. Even if you do good things in a gentle way, you will not be seen as very influential if your motive appears to be selfish. For example: Think of a politician serving soup at a mission with the cameras rolling. Her behavior may be good and gentle, but kindness doesn’t appear to be the motive due to the presence of the press corps. However, when you do good things in a gentle way you will be seen as influential if others assess that your true motive is to show kindness to others. This relates to credibility and authenticity. Remember, true influence is based in your credibility – your authenticity, your believability.

Therefore, the third item to develop and cultivate is internal CREDIBILITY or authenticity. If you are the same person on the inside that you profess to be on the outside, you have internal credibility. Credibility has a lot to do with character. You reveal your true character to yourself by how you act when no one is looking. You know if you have a credible character or not. Your character is revealed to others by how you act during times of stress or distress. You reveal your true character to others during those times. After watching you over a period of time others will come to know if you have a credible character or not.

Obviously, with that definition, every one of us has room to grow when it comes to credibility. At least three of the fruit of the Spirit relate directly to credibility. They are Patience, Self-control, and Faithfulness. Patience relates to your faith. That is, trusting God to work things out. Self-control relates to dying to your own desires and leading for the good of others and not selfish gain. Faithfulness relates to your commitment to continually doing the right things even when you can’t see how doing the right things will be good for your own self-interests.

Here's a summary for you to think on:
Your credibility as a person produces and sustains your ongoing ability to influence your followers. Who you are when no one is looking (your internal credibility) will determine the level of influence others let you have with them. The more credibility you have, the more influence you will have with others. The more influence you have with others will increase the likelihood that others will catch your vision. When others catch your vision and consider you to be influential, it is then that you are truly providing leadership.

Desires, Decisions and Actions

2008-07-01T23:05:00.000-07:00

The following classic passage from the New Testament describes quite well the struggle most people are aware of in their inner being. It provides a great foundation for this blog. I took the liberty of striking “want” and "hate" and replacing them with the synonym “DESIRE” to help make my point.

Romans 7 (NIV)
14We know that the law is spiritual; but I am unspiritual, sold as a slave to sin. 15I do not understand what I do. For what I DESIRE to do I do not do, but what I DO NOT DESIRE I do. 16And if I do what I do not DESIRE to do, I agree that the law is good. 17As it is, it is no longer I myself who do it, but it is sin living in me. 18I know that nothing good lives in me, that is, in my sinful nature. For I have the desire to do what is good, but I cannot carry it out. 19For what I do is not the good I DESIRE to do; no, the evil I do not DESIRE to do—this I keep on doing. 20Now if I do what I do not DESIRE to do, it is no longer I who do it, but it is sin living in me that does it.
21So I find this law at work: When I DESIRE to do good, evil is right there with me. 22For in my inner being I delight in God's law; 23but I see another law at work in the members of my body, waging war against the law of my mind and making me a prisoner of the law of sin at work within my members. 24What a wretched man I am! Who will rescue me from this body of death? 25Thanks be to God—through Jesus Christ our Lord! So then, I myself in my mind am a slave to God's law, but in the sinful nature a slave to the law of sin.
_______________________________________________
We have DESIRES. We make DECISIONS. We perform ACTIONS.

I want to help you recognize that your DESIRES can be different from your DECISIONS and can be different from your ACTIONS. We sometimes use the word “decision” too loosely. We say: “I have decided this” or “I have decided that”. Here’s my thesis: Decisions always result in actions - usually immediately, but always as soon as possible. If a “decision” does not result in an action at the NEXT available opportunity you did not make a decision, you expressed a desire.

EXAMPLE: “I have decided am going to save $100 per pay check.” If the next payday comes and you don’t put $100 into savings, you had expressed a desire but certainly made no decision. Decisions ALWAYS result in action at the next available opportunity. The more honest way to say that (if you weren’t going to do save any money) would have been: “I desire to save $100 per pay check.” The great thing about desires and decisions being separate and potentially disconnected things is this: You could decide to save $100 per pay check AND do it (act), with no real desire. You just do it anyway. Your desires do not have to match up to your actions - and according to the author of Romans - they often don’t.

So what? Why does that matter? First off, I think the words people use are important. Secondly, it is important that people be honest about their desires and recognize that desires do not need to dictate behavior.

DESIRES – WHAT ARE THEY?
Desires are often subconscious or unconscious. Those words are interchangeable unless you are a professional psychoanalyst teaching at a university. Desires often operate below the level of awareness. They can arise from spiritual forces around you, from the influence of others or from within yourself.

DECISIONS – WHAT ARE THEY?
Decisions are internal and invisible. They are “mental activities” or electro-chemical actions in the brain. They are proven to exist only by being overtly acted on. You can see the results of decisions (actions), but you can't see decisions themselves. Decisions can be subconscious or conscious.

ACTIONS – WHAT ARE THEY?
Actions are external and overt, behavioral, measurable and observable. They are physical-bodily actions. They are known to anyone who is watching.

Desires do not have to result in decisions and therefore they do not have to result in actions.

Stated desires provide a clue about the future behavior we can expect from another at some point. Stated decisions inform us about the actions one can expect from another at the NEXT available opportunity. If we don’t observe behavior that is consistent with the stated “decision” at the next opportunity, the person was really expressing a desire, not a decision.

Desires influence the person to make certain decisions and are not easily prevented - if they can be prevented at all. We can only "decide" to respond to them or not respond to them. Desires are somewhat like the weather. Desires just are. They are what they are. Decisions and Actions are possible to control and to change if you truly decide to control them and if you truly decide to change them.

Desires operate at the level of emotions and thoughts and are sometimes revealed by the spoken word. Decisions operate at the level of unseen brain activity. Actions operate at the level of observable physical behavior. Your decisions and your actions are usually completely under your control. Meaning: Except in very rare situations or in the case of certain medical or mental conditions, you act the way you have decided to act. The decision to act could have been conscious or subconscious. The desire influencing the decision need not have risen to a conscious desire.

In this regard, I found an interesting article on decision making and actions. You can find it at: http://online.wsj.com/article/SB121450609076407973.html?mod=blogs. This article describes a study in which a group of neuroscientists found that in some situations the brain knows what you are going to do 10 seconds before you become consciously aware of your decision and subsequent action. Through another study another group found that they could use brain wave patterns to identify your decisions before you reveal them by your actions. The scientists had their own theses, but I think these studies might give new meaning to the phrase “taking on the mind of Christ”. If, subconsciously, your mind makes the decisions Christ would make, your actions will follow in the same pattern.

Jumping back to a word on desires and emotions and thoughts and speech:
How you “automatically” feel about an event (emotions) seem to just come over you. How you “automatically” interpret an event (thoughts) seems to just come to you. What you “automatically” speak when faced with a challenge can seem to just fall out of your mouth.

For example: If a person does something provoking to me, I might get an automatic feeling of anger that comes over me and I feel like doing something to him. I might even have some thoughts come to mind about doing something back to him. I might even reveal these desires by impulsively threatening to take action against him using my speech. But it is highly unlikely that I will actually DO something to him based on these “desires”. That is, I will have DECIDED to not ACT against him even though my emotions, my thoughts and my speech all point to a DESIRE to do something to him. In this case, I don’t let my desires determine my decisions and though I might have a desire to act against him, without a decision to act against him, I don’t act.

HERE’S A THOUGHT:
If we can sometimes keep from acting on our emotions and our thoughts; that is, if we can sometimes keep from acting on our DESIRES, I think we can keep from acting on them ALL THE TIME. I think the difference between “sometimes” and “all the time” is in what we have decided beforehand. You do not take any actions without first deciding to act a certain way. It is impossible to act contrary to your decisions while it is quite possible to act contrary to your desires. You can decide to act according to your harmful desires or contrary to them. You can decide to act according to your good desires or contrary to them. It’s all about decision and the subsequent action. Every harmful action is the result of a harmful decision that was probably prompted by harmful desires. Every good action is the result of a good decision that was probably prompted by the desire to do good OR you might have acted in a good way in spite of having a desire to act in some harmful way.

Harmful desires, selfish desires and hurtful desires are a fact of life for us. Harmful decisions and actions, selfish decisions and actions and hurtful decisions and actions need not be. The following table portrays in simple form that we have "good" desires and "bad" desires. We also have "good" actions and "bad" actions. Our desires and our behavior can be coupled in four different ways. What action box we "choose" to put ourselves in is a result of what decision we make.

Your DESIRES do not create your ACTIONS. Your DECISIONS create your ACTIONS. What have you DECIDED to do today?

Happy Father's Day!

2008-06-15T18:47:00.000-07:00

Today is Father's Day 2008 and it has been one of the most exhausting AND rewarding Father's Days I've had in my 16 years of being a father. I was allowed the privilege to speak to my church today on the topic of a father's love using examples from my own father's life. We have four gatherings where I delivered the 30 minute talk - five if you count the video venue we provide to a neighboring community. This is what produced the exhaustion. The reward came from the satisfaction of honoring my father's memory (he died in 2006 - that's his picture above) and in helping people think about their own fathers a bit more.

You can download a copy of the talk at the following link: http://www.ecconline.cc/ecconline/bridgesermons.php
This is the download page for my church. The title to look for is Family 411 - Part 6 with a date of 6-15-08. You can also download the slides I created to show some pictures and make some points.

One last thing. On June 15, 2003, five years ago today, I gave my dad the following letter. This is the letter that formed the backdrop to my talk today.

Things I Caught From My Dad – Wendell Christianson
Father’s Day - June 15, 2003

Dad, I don’t recall much of anything that you purposely tried to teach me – probably because I wasn’t listening. However, I have caught many life-lessons from you that you may not even realize you were teaching. Thank you for living a life full of positive lessons. Here are some of those lessons I caught from you.

Give generously to those who need your time, help and money. What you give away will come back to you when you need it.

Control of your temper comes from your character. It is not an act of your will.

Be willing to think and speak only the best about others.

Make the best of what you have.

If you need something and you have the money, get it.

We were created by God to work so find work you enjoy and work hard at it.

Laugh and make jokes – especially about yourself.

Think about others and take time to let others know you are thinking about them.

Take time to pray – no matter how early your day starts or how busy it is.

Working on Sunday and shorting God’s tithe will not help you get ahead.

The best place to raise a family is on a farm.

Take responsibility for your own actions.

Always treat people with respect even when you know they are wrong.

A fulfilling life is made up of days full of meaningful work and relaxation – in that order.

Retiring should mean adjusting the amount of your work; it should not mean idleness.

Children learn more from watching what you do than from being told what to do.

I hope I learn to live these lessons as well as you have lived them and that my children learn these same lessons from me. Thanks for setting the mark.
Dennis

I'd like to read some stories about your dad. I'd also appreciate reading some of the life lessons you picked up from your dad. Finally, if anything in this blog or the talk I gave encouraged you, I'd like to read that as well.

Thanks for reading and engaging.

Dennis

The World's Most Consistent Motivator

2008-05-11T22:27:00.000-07:00

What consistently motivates you?

My thoughts lead me to believe that the most consistent motivational leverage in the world just might come from compassion. Compassion is a noun (a real thing) that is defined by Dictionary.com as “a feeling of deep sympathy and sorrow for another who is stricken by misfortune, accompanied by a strong desire to alleviate the suffering (emphasis mine).” In other words, there is no compassion if there is no strong desire to alleviate the difficulties facing another. I would go even further and state that there is no compassion if there are no compassionate actions that follow the compassionate desires that follow the feelings of sympathy.

I am concerned that many people confuse compassion and love. Love can be a noun (a real thing) or a verb (an action). I think the following is a good definition of love as given by Dictionary.com: Love is “affectionate concern for the well-being of others”. Taking it a bit further, love as a verb indicates that we should somehow act out those feelings of affection by doing loving things for those toward whom we feel affectionate concern. I intend for you to understand that love and compassion are vastly different. You can and should express love to people who are not stricken with misfortune. You can and should show compassion to those whom you don’t love. Affectionate concern (love) is not a necessary precursor to showing compassion, but too many of us act as if it were.

Now, the reason I call compassion the most consistent motivator is this: The motivation to act the first time might come out of the strong desire to do something, but I believe the motivation (energy) to continue to act comes from the act of acting. A single act of compassion generally yields multiple acts of compassion. If a single compassionate act doesn’t yield multiple acts, the initial motivation might not have been compassion. In that case, the motivation might have been one of the “less consistent” motivators discussed below.

LESS CONSISTENT MOTIVATORS
We are all motivated on several different levels. Why do you obey the speed limit (most of the time)? In my opinion fear is the most inconsistent of all motivators. As you might know, as soon as the thing that causes fear is gone (the cop), the motivation to keep acting a certain way is gone along with it. Fear as a motivator comes from external forces. Guilt is another inconsistent motivator. If your motivation to do something comes only from guilt, it will die as soon as you believe you have “done enough”. Even if your motivation comes from love you will only want to “love on” those you know AND like or who are similar to you. Remember, love is affectionate concern. Can you think of anyone you feel affectionate concern for that you don’t know? It’s probably impossible. Financial gain or even some sort of potential heavenly reward are also fickle motivators. You will quit when the material gain is not realized (or when it is) or if the heavenly reward seems too far off.

THE MOST CONSISTENT MOTIVATOR
If your motivation to act starts from compassion for other people, your actions will lead to an ever-increasing awareness of their misfortune and further acts to alleviate their condition. This will eventually result in an ever-increasing willingness to sacrifice so that even more people might realize an alleviation of their misfortune through your actions.

If your motivation for acting is not compassion, then there will come a time when the cost of taking action seems too great and the investment too risky. At the very least there will come a time when you have eliminated your fear, assuaged your guilt and found that no one you know and love needs a hand at the moment.

However, if your motivation for acting is true compassion then the costs will never seem too great or the investment too risky. If you are motivated by compassion, giving everything, even your very life, will not seem to be too much.

I ask again: What motivates you? Do you act compassionately toward others because others are watching (motivated by the fear of what others will think)? Do you act compassionately because you feel you should (motivated by guilt)? Do you have to know AND like a person before you will help them (motivated by affection/love)?

If you want to be motivated by compassion, I have a simple suggestion that will help you grow in this area. Take on this suggestion at your own risk because once you start the ball of compassion rolling, you may not know how to stop it. The best thing is, you may never want to stop it.
Here it is: The next time you have a feeling of sympathy or sorrow for another who is experiencing some misfortune and you have some faint desire to do something about it, my suggestion is that you DO something about it. You don’t have to eliminate the whole misfortune, but you probably can do something to help a little. This is where you have to watch out though. When you give yourself a chance to act out of compassion you will find that acts motivated by compassion create more acts of compassion. Your increased compassion will only increase your desire to alleviate the misfortunes of others and you may find yourself acting compassionately no matter what the cost. Compassion never dies – it only grows stronger. That’s why I call it the most consistent motivator.

FINAL THOUGHT
For some great ways to act compassionately and partner with an established organization check out the Compassion International website at www.compassion.com. Compassion International is a great organization that is over 50 years old. It exists to compassionately serve the interests and needs of children in 24 countries.

Is it NYET or N’YET?

2008-03-01T15:46:00.000-08:00

A few weeks back my eldest daughter made the observation that the word “no” had the same sound and meaning in many languages. I agreed that this was true (and a brief bit of internet research confirmed this). However, I commented in that conversation with her that there was one key exception of which I was aware.

In the Russian language the word for “no” is written as "HeT". In English it is transcripted as NYET and pronounced as “ne-yet”. To hear it, check out this link.

http://www.merriam-webster.com/cgi-bin/audio.pl?fwnyet01.wav=nyet

When there are exceptions to what appears to be the usual case, I think it is important to understand any possible reasons for the exception. I also like to quote a good friend and former boss, Brian Shoup, who would tell me: “Words are important. Pay attention to the exact words people use and you’ll learn a lot.”

As an aside: I found a fitting article that punctuates the importance of Brian's advice. It was written by William Safire in 1988 and discusses an interaction between Reagan and Gorbachev as well as Russian language issues. Find it at:
http://query.nytimes.com/gst/fullpage.html?res=940DEEDC153EF930A35752C0A96E948260&sec=&spon=&pagewanted=all

To get back to the issue at hand, I have a thought as to why the Russian word for “no” is “nyet”. Somehow, I think it is really based on two English words. Maybe it is really a shortened version of the English word combination: “not yet”. Do you see the similarity? Compare “nyet” with “n(ot) yet”. In "n'yet" you really have "not yet" (where the apostrophe replaces the “o” and the “t”). In English, “not yet” is often given as an answer and it means: “Not at the exact present time; however, I intend to do what you are asking about, but I have not yet gotten around to it or I am delaying doing that thing until a more opportune time arises.” “Not yet” can also mean: “Not at the present time, but what you ask about will soon become a reality.”

This theory gathers evidence if you were to (hypothetically) ask past and present Russian leaders certain questions. For example:
“Mr. Stalin, do you intend to invade Eastern Europe?” His answer: “N’yet”. Many translators would think he was simply saying “no”, but I now think he might have meant: “Not yet”.
“Mr. Khrushchev, do you intend to put missiles in Cuba?” His answer: “N’yet”. Again, we want to think this meant “no”, but may actually have meant “not yet”.
“Mr. Brezhnev, do you intend to invade Afghanistan?” The answer: “N’yet”. You (should) know what happened.
“Mr. Putin, are you going take any unusual steps to ensure Mr. Medvedev wins the election for the Russian presidency on March 2?” Answer: “N’yet”. As of this writing, we have yet to see what he means.

I have a good friend who is Ukrainian by descent, but she doesn’t mind that people call her a Russian. She is intelligent and I value her insights so I asked her about this theory. She wasn’t very amused. Her husband thought the theory was quite clever. He thought I was on to something and that I had cracked some sort of secret Russian code. In fact, his face flashed with fresh understanding about all sorts of conversations he had had with his wife. At one point in our conversation, he caught a look from his Russian wife and he asked her: “Am I in trouble?” Her reply: “Nyet”. Or was it “N’yet”. As I said, she’s intelligent and she’s Russian. With our newfound translation skills we all understood exactly what she meant.

The Road to Things Worthwhile

2008-02-02T22:36:00.000-08:00

This revelation occurred to me the other day:

"The road to things worthwhile is paved with costs."

The idea behind this is that we often think of costs as obstacles on the road to wherever we think we are going. In thinking about this over several days I have come to understand that COSTS ARE NOT OBSTACLES on the road to worthwhile destinations. Rather, the COSTS ARE THE ROAD.

Consider this with me. If you see yourself on your way to somewhere worthwhile, you understand there are costs involved. In fact, the ONLY way to get to where you see yourself going is by taking on some sort of cost to get there. Do you see yourself with a college education? Someone will have to take on costs measured in units of money. You will have to take on costs measured in units of time. Do you see yourself raising children? I can tell you there are costs involved in that worthwhile pursuit. Do you want to own a nice house someday? There are costs involved. Do you want to learn to trade stocks? More costs. You will never get anywhere or get anything worthwhile unless you are willing to travel a road paved with costs. Costs are measured in units of time, money, effort and anything else you give away in exchange for something else.

Costs are not bad things to be avoided. Costs don’t attempt to keep you from arriving at your goal destination. In reality, costs provide the avenue you must travel if you ever hope to arrive at your destination. The costs involved in any worthwhile trip help you to measure how worthwhile your destination might be; the greater the cost, the greater the likely worthiness of the destination. Let me insert a warning here: If the cost ever requires sacrifices of integrity and character, the end destination will never prove itself to be worth the cost. The destination will always disappoint you if the cost you paid was measured in units of your integrity and character. Some costs are just too high.

If the goal is believed to be important enough and if it does not require costs measured in units of integrity and character, I think you should continue to travel the road paved with costs. Sometimes; however, while on that road, you will find out that the costs are greater than you expected. That is, the road will be longer and more challenging than you anticipated. You might find yourself thinking that if you had known beforehand all the costs you would encounter - all the pavement that would have to pass under your feet - you would have taken the road to a different destination. You might say: “If I had only known...”

If you find yourself in this situation right now, you have two choices: You can give up and sit down at the side of the road and tell yourself that your goal really was to go only part way or you can keep pushing forward and taking on the costs as they come. Going back the way you came is generally not possible. You can’t get less education, you can’t undo the birth of child, you can’t turn back time or get back the money you’ve spent on any of your costly travels. If, by some strange sequence of events, it becomes possible to take the road back, the road back is still paved with costs.

So here’s what I’m thinking: As long as you are alive you are always on the road to someplace and if you are going to have costs to pay no matter which direction you travel on that road, why not continue to move forward toward the worthwhile things? Take the costs as they come because “the road to things worthwhile is paved with costs”.

Love and Hate

2007-12-26T19:13:00.000-08:00

Who or what do you love? Do you hate anyone or anything? Think about your answers for a bit.

Love and Hate. Those are strong words. I also think they are also overused and misused.

Granted, my worldview is shaped by what God says in the Bible. If your worldview isn't, you might not agree with my thesis on love and hate. That's fine. I'd be interested in your take on love and hate anyway. Your thoughts make me think. I like to think so I thank you in advance.

Jesus once explained what true love is. He said: "My command is this: Love each other as I have loved you. Greater love has no one than this, that he lay down his life for his friends." You can find this in the Bible in the book of John, chapter 15, verses 12-14 (New International Version). Jesus laid down His life for His friends and for each of us. In turn, many of Jesus' friends laid down their lives so that we could hear Jesus' message.

My thought is this: If you truly love something, you will be willing to lay down your life for that thing - you would literally die for it if necessary. Given that thought I have changed my language somewhat. For example: I no longer say I love peanut butter cookies. I do like them a lot especially when they are warm and I have a some milk handy, but I guess I don't really love them because I am not willing to give up my life for the pleasure of having one.

What about hate? A student of Jesus named John wrote this about hate: "Anyone who hates his brother is a murderer...". This is in the book of 1 John, chapter 3, verse 15 (NIV). Where my thoughts take me regarding this is that if you truly hate someone, you would be willing to destroy them - to kill them - if given the opportunity. It says if you hate someone, you have already murdered them in your mind. When I hear people say they hate someone, I think to myself: "I wonder if they would really kill that person if given the chance?" Because of these thoughts, I have also adjusted my language in regard to hate. I have come to realize there are very few things that I hate. There are some individuals I dislike, but I don't hate anybody. I hope nobody hates me.

My good friend, Pastor Dan, and I were talking about this one day and I mentioned sin as something that we could feel good about hating and destroying. Pastor Dan said he doesn't think we really hate sin anyway. If we did, there would be a lot less of it around. I think Dan is right. Sometimes we don't hate sin enough and we don't really want to destroy it. In fact, I think we actually love some sin so much that we are willing to give our lives to have it. There's a thought.

Back to Jesus. He hated sin. He hated every sin. He hated sin so much that He was willing to do absolutely everything possible to destroy it once and for all. As a point of fact, Jesus gave up His life - not FOR sin as we do sometimes, but - to DESTROY sin. Therefore, I learn from this that if you hate something strongly enough, you'll be willing to die to destroy it so that others might live. I used to think that Jesus died for us just because He loved us so much. After thinking about this I realize He also died because He hated sin so much that he wanted to destroy it. Jesus proved His love for us and proved His hate for sin by giving His life once, for all of us.

"For God so loved the world that he gave his one and only Son, that whoever believes in him shall not perish but have eternal life." (Ever hear of John 3:16? That's it.)

What do you think?

Tell Me What You DO Like

2007-12-23T16:29:00.000-08:00

Every now and again I notice a car with bumper stickers and I like to think I can come to an adequate understanding of the owner of the car based on the messages contained on those stickers. I assume these drivers want to be heard and understood - why else would they try to communicate with me via a sticker on the backends of their cars - and so I honor their effort with a bit of my attention for brief period.

Now, I am not easily offended so very few bumper stickers offend me. However, I can be easily irritated and irritation is what is driving this blog. (Side note: Remember, irritation motivates the oyster to make a pearl. Learning to deal with irritation productively might make the world a better place. If you take the time to mentally process your irritations, you might get a pearl of wisdom.)

In this regard, the only bumper stickers that truly irritate me are the ones that tell me what the driver DOES NOT like. Two of the most common type where I live are of the anti-Wal-Mart and anti-President Bush variety. I am not offended that some people don't like Wal-Mart or President Bush. I don't expect that everyone would. What irritates me is that I can't understand the person's true message or the person himself through these stickers. I really do want to understand every message along with every person who is trying to share a message, if at all possible.

Here's my thinking: Telling others what you DON'T like doesn't contribute to productive conversation nor promote understanding among those with differing viewpoints. "So, Mr. Car Driver, I see you don't like Wal-Mart or President Bush, I get that. But please respect the intellects of your fellow drivers and tell us what you DO like? Where DO you shop for life's necessities? Maybe I'll follow you there and give them some business as well. What political figure DO you admire? Maybe you'll get me thinking about that person's message and I'll see your candidate in a new light. You see, if you tell me what you DO like, I might come to like it as well."

No one wants to be subjected to list of what other people don't like. Those are boring, tiresome and irritating conversations - if you can call them conversations at all. I'd be glad to listen to what you do like. You might even listen to what I like. The result of all that listening might be some greater understanding and appreciation of one another - even though we don't agree.

The pearl that formed for me in processing this internal irritation is this: It is now my goal to speak more often in terms of what I DO like. For example: Instead of saying: "I don't like that", I want to remember to say: "I would prefer this over that". I fail at times in meeting this goal, but lasting improvement is a process.

So tell me, what do you like?

Male Affective Disorder

2007-12-21T23:08:00.001-08:00

The Place of Small Beginnings

2007-12-20T11:30:00.000-08:00

Arnold Schwartzenegger in his movie Total Recall says: “I feel like I was meant for something more than this. I want to do something with my life. I want to be somebody.”

That same hunger is resident in everyone of us.

Everything and every person that ends up having lasting impact and lasting importance starts out small and seemingly insignificant: Every project. Every enterprise. Every business. Every blog. Every person.

Jesus Christ, the Son of God, experienced this in His life on earth and yet we sometimes get impatient with God’s process in our own lives. We want to go straight to significance, recognition and influence. Look at Jesus’ life: The Son of God came to earth as a baby in a working poor family. He lived 30 years as a relative unknown. He worked as a carpenter’s son. He engaged in a daily routine. He spent 30 years doing things that anyone else could have done and, in fact, doing what everyone else did. The physical things He built with His hands during that time no longer exist, but the experiences He had and took note of during that period are still felt by us today.

During Jesus’ three years of atypical ministry (after His 30 years of typical life) He told many stories of people as they went about their daily lives and their boring work. He told lasting and meaningful stories about landowners, farmers, fishermen, tax collectors and beggars. Those 30 years of preparation and observation made it possible for Him to connect with us in ways that provide lasting impact for us.

My thinking is this: God uses our often boring work-a-day lives and our daily routines to develop character qualities that He expects us to utilize for the benefit of others at an appropriate time. It is through these small things and in these seemingly insignificant days that we become more than we realize. The daily grind of our daily lives makes it possible for us to become the truly significant beings that God intends us to be.

Zechariah 4:6-10 – especially verse 10 – provides great encouragement to you if you sense there must be more to God’s purpose for you than you can see right now. Please don't fall into the temptation to despise the small beginnings – that is, the daily grind of things that we think are keeping us from the big and important things. In reality, it is through the daily grind of small things that God prepares us to handle the bigger things.

In the Old Testament of the Bible, God gives us these words through the prophet Zechariah (4:10): "Do not despise these small beginnings, for the LORD rejoices to see the work begin…" (NLT).

God is filled with joy to see the work begin in you because He already sees and knows what you will be doing 30 years from now. Stick it out.

Joy to the World and Merry Christmas!